Yesterday, or a lifetime ago—one of a few now—I was forced to start life over. Not like a career change, I mean over. A reset of everything: friends, family, decades in business, my woman of near a decade, bank accounts, house, cars, my suits, shirts, boxers, even my damn CDs and that Italian couch. Everything.

How does this happen? An exciting decade leading, building. Someone with a huge part in this called and told me I have to see this Wolf of Wall St movie that it’s uncanny in being “exactly you if you had a helicopter” I was his mentor or idol or something I don’t remember which word but he said flattering stuff and of everyone I had some of the most pride in him and best hopes for his future success. I was sure he’d make it on his own. We don’t speak anymore though.

Not long after it all changed. And if I’m a movie character I don’t know what movie it is but it’s not very flattering. One person. Some calls, some texts, said something about me to our overlapping circle and that’s all it took to ignite the inferno.

From that precise point forward, a five-year downward spiral began. I spent those years running frantically, trying to keep the dominoes from falling. To date, I’ve stopped exactly zero. This month, the last big ones finally fell on a kind of anniversary of it all starting a decade ago. Virtually nothing I cared about, especially the future I was building for us, was saved despite tireless efforts, obsession, and busting the scale on grit. None of it mattered. People think it’s what was unfairly taken that I’d be most upset about, but only a couple really get why what was destroyed is the true sting—because the destroyers were often the intended beneficiaries. Four names on a half-done patent, and two of them are the reason it could never be filed.

That initial act, that one person’s words, wrapped what felt like embezzlement in a crushing character assassination. Maybe it wasn’t completely intentional at first, but it became ruthlessly so. False, very serious allegations were made against me, and against the woman who was, for all intents and purposes, my wife. (Not officially, for my own weird reasons, but my commitment was absolute. She once said my loyalty was like a religion to me. It was.) These accusations weren’t just shit-talking; it was a hit job, actively selling people on why not to be friends, romantic, or in business with me. Baseless, absurd, and lethally effective.

Suddenly, after a decade of leading from the front, the people who looked up to me, didn’t. Men are curious that way. They sense weakness, or are led to believe someone’s fallen, and they mutiny. They eat you alive. That’s what happened. A convergence of existing doubt, misunderstanding, and paranoia, all sparked by one source, led to the conviction that I, and my girl, had done something not just bad but inexplicable.

The only conclusions anyone could draw were: It sounds crazy because it is crazy—it never happened. (Thank God some sense)

Or: “That’s not the Ray we know. (I can live with this) So what would make him do something so crazy? Trauma, breakdown, cocaine, complete psychopath criminally insane and we never saw it…” (God. Fucking. Dammit.)

And the narrative spun out from there: international intrigue, Mexican cartels, felonies, and a Ford! How many import sports cars have I owned why on earth would I want to steal a Ford economy car? I swear these people think I’m running cars and guns for the cartel and I’m in the secret opium den of some Tijuana brothel. OK how about this, want to come talk to me face to face? Nah. Take me serious by phone? Contemplate the unlikelihood of any of this then the absence of evidence proving any of it, and abundance of evidence that actually would say where I was and what I was doing? Github, Gitlab logs which show me sitting right there studying or building such and such. Then there’s the activity journal on linux that I’m runnin gright now in fact. Real answeres were always there but I learned the hardest way that there reason proof never mattered, and was never requested is because when someone makes up their mind youre bad, you’re bad. I thought misunderstandings and perceptions based on untrue things was more fixable. As a salesman thats been my lifetime job, persuading people.

During that five-year collapse, the hardest part wasn’t losing the businesses we built. It was losing the ones I was actively building for us, for our future. Which is well documented my intentions. High revenue earning projects I never took on to do myself and only at all because if successful they help fund the dream project that of the 2 most qualified people on Earth to gauge the market value and potential of, we are those 2 people. But I more than him and so When I say personally holding records in the business we dominated, it was worth more than anything we had ever. And it took a decade of learning and running those businesses to know how to build the perfect one with every little thing the smallest detail had something clever. I was proud and its in the fucking garbage. That, and other deals, tanked by my who I built it for, admitted, even laughed about it. That was a year in and when I found out those actions by him is why everyone was acting strange. I truly did not know because it sounded too bizarre and still does. I couldn’t figure out why people turned, projects I puta year into getting cancelled on opeing day when the money starts rolling in? Like 1.3 million in orderes over a year was moved from one site to the next it’s a success and you choose now to turn it off good God why? No answer. And then, I got my answer. Good thing storing our half of 70% profit in Bitcoin at 200 wasnt in the business plan…oh wait yes it was. Yikes. Operational business million in revenue bitcoin at 200. Just think about what I’m saying. And that was deal made to fund what I was really focused on. But all gone.

It was especially devastating because in my world, friends, partners, employees, even girlfriends, were all intertwined. I spent years defending against ghosts. And the woman I loved, the one who knew the truth? The dreamy eyed stare as I work replaced with ice. Because I can’t protect us and “our enemies are your own friends” She begged me to walk away and I thought I could just tell people the dumb things they think, are dumb things. It really sounded easier than going to work at the carnival selling popcorn.

Because walk where? And away from what? Who I am? A decade of my work and sweat and relationships? My life? This is who and what I am I’m nothing if not runing a business I’ll slap my head like Rainman in a fit. What I just say fuck it it and go work at Costco?

“Kid you made it against the odds 99% to 1% by cold calls with no financing? What’s next for you?”

Well Julie, that toilet seat over there isn’t going to scrub itself. If you’ll excuse me (Yeah, that was a real thought.)

And that’s about when the girl dropped out out. And dropped me off. Hey she got disowned for what my friend did. Only costs me a couple years of no sex who cares. Keyword is me I am the one who didn’t get sex she found solutions less revolting. Thanks guys.

I was stranded, alone, with nothing, and nearly died. But I clawd out the hole to prove myself and never got the chance to say any of what I’ve needed to this whole time and ideally before its too late. Waiting, doing everything she wanted and more, until I had the most surefire close especially given what I was asking for or willing to accept. If I only get the one shot it’ll be the- crash! Last domino falls to the floor. My dread for the past year, and really always but I felt ned to worry lately, comes true.

So what could I have done different? Listened to her advice. Do what she begged. Wild as it sounds, starting over from that absolute zero would have worked out for me professionally, eventually. I would’ve ascended in any organization, as long as that poison circle didn’t follow. I did eventually do it, just too late for us.

But no words could’ve convinced me to just “walk away” sooner from trying to salvage what was stolen and destroyed. Only when things got mortally dangerous did I fully pivot to just surviving and rebuilding a new life.

A couple of years earlier, walking away from the fight for what was mine, for us? A wild suggestion. And no, I didn’t end up at Costco—but I didn’t land far from there either, not at first. It would’ve been easier and paid better than what I had to do. But over time, I leveled up. Eventually, a real career forming, respect, real trust and responsibility. Throughout though someone calls and brings up that old situation, and I’ve just thought: “What? You’re still on that?” It never happened honestly I’m just picturing double digit IQs the more you guys talk. It’s disappointing. I don’t often think about it, not in that way.

They think I’m crazy for giving up having companies or money to be a wage-earner. Well—guys—you did this. I fought it as hard as I could and was criticized even for that. So I gave up my whole life and who I was because of you. You told me to, in so many words, and even forced it by excluding me during the height of the paranoia.

This position I’m in now? Perhaps not flattering compared to who you knew me as. But if you knew what the position is, or that maybe it was somehow made for me? There’s a lot unknown there, as I never wanted my new life to have to touch the past. But you destroyed that old life with your sewing circle. It cost me everything. I had no options left. And I got tired of defending myself. So I chose a life with normal people—people who aren’t crazy. People who don’t doubt my value. People who aren’t paranoid.

And it was that easy. In my new life, no one doubts me. No one accuses me of anything. No one fires me for paranoid reasons, then hits the phone to smear me to my exes, or a year later calls behind my back to sabotage what I spent a year building, only to make themselves $2k when they could’ve made $200k for doing nothing but being an asshole quietly. No calls to my exes to smear me in my personal life. Because that’s not normal behavior!!! But in my old circle, it was so normal it was barely worthy of mention. Would I like to pay myself a $15k check this week? Sure. But what would it cost me?

Looking back, I should’ve been more alarmed—less comforted—when I left the country and that circle followed. That’s a story possibly still unfolding. It was fun for a while, a lot of fun, low consequences. I didn’t need reconciliations or proving shit to anyone. When I hear the latest rumor, I can say, “Well, whoever thinks that is a fucking moron,” and I don’t have to care. Nobody can make me care. The damage is done, and I’m not touchable anymore.

Someone heard me wrap up a business call recently and said: “I get it now. Why you’re doing this. You seem happier; you like doing this.” Yeah, I do. I get to talk to business owners or ops managers, learn about their challenges, and figure out what I can do to help. I can be creative and be me, frankly. And I get more of that freedom and am encouraged to be that way. It’s great, in a sense. And I can pivot to any department I want. I don’t write any paychecks, wipe any asses. Deal with presonality defects.

Yeah—I’m finally free of the FUD for years unbound by it, finally. And of course that’s when some of the last people who shouldve always defended me saw it. I’m grateful but Christ, I’m not that happy it took years for them to believe what I said from day one. When someone holds power over you, believes lies, and won’t accept truth—you are in a situation that will kill you. You have to leave.

So I did. I left the circle I literally built. It was as stupid and unnecessarily uphill as I feared, for longer than I pictured. But multiple companies along the way made something I never used to doubt clear: that those who did doubt me, and entertained for a second the crazy narrative that got out of control, were not just a minority, but normal people would never have even believed any of it. People who don’t know who or what I was wouldnt guess that either but are happy that I seem like I’m dedicated reasonably intelligent and can do what’s asked. And that’s more than people who supposedly look to me as a leader could mange in recent years Every billion-dollar company I’ve worked for has made accommodations and offers to get me to stay, regardless of this initial agreement or reasons for leaving, which varies. Nobody has been anxious to end things prematurely.

I joined the real world. And it welcomed me with open arms. Glancing in the rearview, there’s some cupped-ear whispering I can’t quite make out. It’s more funny than sad, I think.